Am I Lost?

Am I Lost?

     This past weekend I got to have a first experience. For a number of years now, my mother-in-law has enjoyed gathering bother of her children and their families together for her birthday. The last three times that my wife and kids and brother-in-law and his wife gathered together for Marla's birthday celebration weekend had been at some State Park's cabin. This time was different, though: they had gotten a houseboat! I have never been on a houseboat in real life... I've seen them in pictures and in the movie "Sleepless in Seattle" - then one of the home makeover shows on HGTV redid one!

     Thankfully, my family didn't mind my assertiveness (which is odd, because I don't feel that I usually assert myself in new situations) as I jumped to the helm and steered the boat towards the open lake in search of a place to stay the night! I grasped the basics pretty quickly. Throttle and steering wheel were the least of my worries. What I wasn't so confident about, however was reading the topographical map. Thankfully, my brother-in-law's wife, Kim, was more than happy to help me by giving a second opinion of where we believed we were.

     The next morning, after we had set out from the place we had beached for the night, they told me to just go out along the lake. Once we finally got cell service, though, plans were made to be in French Lick, IN for a train ride and, realizing that I wasn't entirely confident about where we were actually at, I decided to start heading back the direction that I believed the marina to be in. I was afraid that if we didn't head back then, if we were actually lost, then we'd never get to the scenic train ride before it embarked. Realizing that I had let the boat drift and that we were no longer facing the direction that we had headed out in, I began to panic. Thankful for a compass app on my iPhone, I immediately placed it on the navigational panel, and was frantically trying to locate where we were on this topographical map by identifying land features, all the while trying to exude confidence so that the one among us who was starting to feel sick wouldn't stress.

     So we headed the direction that I believed to be the marina, calling Kim back over to help me double check our location - yet even as we headed Southeast, the direction that the map showed the marina should be relative to where we were (somewhat) certain was our location, I had this nagging feeling. As the rising sun's glare off the lake effectively blinded me from being able to read the map when I looked at it, I panicked even more. Finally, we saw a bridge ahead that there was no way we could mistake on the map, and this also meant that we were close. My own stress levels went down drastically as I realized that we weren't lost after all.

     This got me to thinking, though, how often do we feel lost in our lives, even while we are heading in the right direction? And why is it that we often feel that we are lost in our spiritual journeys, just to look back on those times of confusion and realize that we were good all along? I can't be the only one to think and feel that. Seriously - sometimes we're convinced that we're headed the wrong direction; yet when we try going the way in accordance with whoever we deem to be "the expert," we wind up losing ourselves even more.

     One of the stories from the Bible that has resonated with me comes from the Gospel of John towards the end. Peter and Jesus are walking along the shoreline. Just a few days ago, Peter and the rest of the world had seen Jesus crucified, but they soon realized that the grave couldn't keep Jesus down! Yet during this heart-to-heart, Jesus shows Peter what his journey was going to be like and how far it would take him (as he stretched out his arms, indicating that he, too, would be crucified). Something about this disturbed Peter. He then proceeded to ask Jesus about what John's path was going to look like. This may have been for a number of reasons, but I think it had something to do with wanting to know if John's path would be any smoother than his own - maybe Peter felt that his way wasn't the most optimal for sharing Christ. Then Jesus essentially told Peter, "Don't worry about anyone else - You do You."

     I believe that there are a number of reasons why we feel lost in our spiritual lives:

• Sometimes we see others going about their Christian walk and they make it look effortless, so when we see the struggle in our own lives, it's hard not to think, "What am I doing wrong?"
• It's all new. This whole "Christian walk" or "Discipleship Journey" doesn't have a one-way-fits-all deal, and because of that, it is hard to give blanket instructions to grow closer to Christ that will work perfectly for everyone. So even after we have "the basics" down, we will come across new territory that maybe nobody we know has traversed before.
• Similarly, because we haven't travelled this path before, we may lack confidence and assertiveness in our steps which can lead to doubt.
• Finally, there will be those we come across that flat out tell you that you're going the wrong way. I've heard a lot of supposed disqualifications from Christians, and even pastors, such as, "If you don't speak in tongues then you're not truly a born-again Christian"; a declaration that the Catholic Church is actually a cult; you're not a Christian if you condone homosexuality at all (as well as its opposite - you're not a Christian if you aren't fully accepting of the LGBTQ+ community). This list of supposed disqualifications  that designate you as "lost" goes on.

    I know that your journey looks different from mine - and that's not a bad thing. In some ways, that's the way it's supposed to be. We are all unique individuals that have a different kind of relationship with our Lord, God. Some need God to be the Great Physician while others are needing God to help them know what it is to be human. Many are drawing to God as a Father, while others need God as Mother's nurture.  Recognizing this, I'm not going to tell you that you have to go a certain way. Even when I see another denomination's Christian doctrine more as dogma, I recognize that they are experiencing God in a different aspect / light than I am - and as long as people are coming to actually know Christ, who am I to step in their way?

     I am called to draw closer to Christ and witness in my own, unique way. So am I lost? No... just different.

     Hope to see you at the marina!